How not to give a eulogy...

drink at work

This is one of those lists where most of the content is usually quite shite n trite but this has a few that save it from being tat:

"In a way I blame myself. But not to the extent the authorities do."

"'Better him than me' may sound like a callous remark, but hear me out"

"At least Ben died doing what he loved most - getting into tense standoffs with police."

And the old favourite
"I loved him like a brother. But I fucked him like an uncle."