Saturday, September 24, 2005

Music Frenzy!


I know registering with NME.com is a major pain in the arse but they still provide the best links for new and essentially free music:

N.M.E

in the media player you can listen to the new Franz Fredinand album (not sure I want to I've kinda gone off them)
watch the video for the White Stripes performing live the Dolly Parton classic 'Jolene' (fucken LOVE that song)
Hear The Dandy warhols new album and check this:

Fine and Dandy

Not the dates for the US tour obviously but the boots man the boots...

gotta add them to my wish list...


Hear the new Ladytron album (YEE-fucken-hah!)
and catch the video for this cool new single from the Arctic Monkeys who I don't know much about but I love their new single 'you look good on the dancefloor'

Arctic Monkeys

Asterix and Sean Connery


I found this panel from an Asterix comic which appears to have Sean Connery administering to the sage: 'Getafix' (GREAT fucken name) whilst looking for a picture to blog with this link

I thought they were dead!! (well maybe one of them is)


I am reminded of the weeks spent plodding through the library as a child looking for unread Asterix books; I learnt most of my language from these fuckers, well my finely honed sense of humour owes a lot to these books at least.

Friday, September 23, 2005

The revolution will be... Mashed!


There was quite a lot of interest given to this story this week:

If you

see what I mean,

it's Fucken Everywhere!

Those though are merely the tip of the proverbial iceberg:

As you can see

from these futher reports

that at times get very in-depth.

I play dead...


Reminds me of the Bjork and David Arnold Song (Fucken beautiful) speaks volumes to me...
Anyways anyone in London wanting to take part in these experiments wants to get a wriggle on:

Simulated Haunting


I saw some t.v. program a while ago saying that the whole haunting experience was caused by things like ultra-low sound waves etc. and it will be V. interesting to see how these experiments turn out.
On a completely different and utterly related note: Tim Burton is still giving work to his girlfriend >Ahem<
I mean Helena Bonham-Carter is in Tim Burton's new film:

Corpse Bride


and there is a plethora of information on this production here:

Get a Life?

Like I can talk...

Remember tho' if you listen to people who know nothing, you will learn nothing yourself.

Go figure.

News??


I don't exactly call these articles news; Brett Easton Ellis showed us the way.

Psycho Killer Qu'est que ce?

Personally having worked with investment bankers I KNOW this to be true


And this story:

Oddness is Odd


No REALLY??
Still, satisfying to have what you have always known confirmed...
Well it's enough for me anyways.
However things I do not know are always welcome and often utterly fascinating:

The Sun twinned with some other Sun.

I'm going to Barbados


Not that I'm ginger or anything... I'm actually a stunning golden blonde...
but the ginger gene is in me (bloody Scottish mother!) and as such I suffer:

The gene that came in from the cold


There was also this odd little story this week which only caught my attention because of the headline:

Web used to capture dangerous spider('s identity)

I can only hope she was a broadband customer...


Another headline I couldn't ignore:

Military in the gays

Best one I ever saw was one year (on a pride march) four queens with big hats and a sign saying 'Gays in the Millinery'


this story I noticed through sheer curiosity i.e. I wondered how many new readers it would con into thinking I was blogging anything worthwhile:

Google blog search


This next story I noticed because I am so concerned with offending people:

Handbook if yer bovvered


and this I noticed because I wondered if I could emulate anything like his success:

Jammy little shit.

The Simpsons


Well Finally (or is it too late?)
they have deciced to make a Simpsons Movie?!?!?!?

Simpsons Movie


Thankfully they are using the shows writers etc but even so the t.v. shows have suffered through the years have they missed the boat?

Slightly dated now?


You can get too used to something and anything that was ever fresh about the Simpsons is no more...


Still ya gotta love 'em.
Although I kinda think wouldn't the time be better spent on a Futurama movie?

Go Figure.

Corporate Crap


God they're all at it aren't they?
Big companies taking liberties wherever they can be it through our own ignorance or through their own ingenuity at skirting the laws

Thieving Wankers

Which is why it's always handy to have resources like this at hand:

20 things 'they' don't want you to know

Complaining tips.

Fooken Excellent.

Big n' Pink n' Hard or soft...


This is quite a bizarre thing to do and it's the sort of art project that I would undertake: something HUGE... I mean in scale I don't care for the success...

Big Buns

Only I worry, doesn't wet wool stretch and sag...

I only say that from having to wear knitted swimming trunks in school, bless me dear ol mum...
She still doesn't know.

Rasta


So we have a new addition to the family, or rather they've always been here but we now recognise them as their own person... Marvellous.

New scientist report on Rasta Grass


Only I wonder what the distinctions are (presuming it gets classified etc.) and what this would mean for breeders of cross-strain plants and so on, and ultimately the consumer.

There's a debate about it here

Peanuts at full speed


Well that [the title of this blog] is apparently what the translation is for the name of the book in the photo above.

Am I too old to still find fart gags funny?

Nah!

Nothing should ruin one's enjoyment of a good ol' Dutch oven every once in a while, but the reason I am blogging is not just to tell you of my insane joy of farting but because I ran across this article the other day:

Windypops


And you have to read it if only to see what Queen Elizabeth I said to the Earl of Oxford after his self-enforced absence from court, and the best being what General Gowon said to the present Queen... it's such a shame that they don't tell us what her response was...

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Bums on seats...


Some people will stop at nothing to get some more bums on seats... but is this the right direction for opera?

There goes the neighbourhood


Will it result with all the bums in the parks singing Verdi?

And this is also absolutely disgraceful...


Teaching your kid to do drugs.


What is the world coming to?

Oop gotta go my Skag's just arrived, My charlie seems to be delayed tho'
Laters taters.

UPDATE:

So it begins, but where will it end?

Class A or Class-y?

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Good old Google


Gotta love 'em

Area 51

Quick link to map or at least it should be...

and as any good showman knows, you always save the best for last.

What do I need to say?

Nelly the elephant packed her trunk...


And buggered off to bloody America and never came back!

Supersize me

maybe they just need bigger animals to feed bigger Americans?

Food Chain


and on a loosely themed animal post do the pig personality test...

Do a Pig

Go on... I didn't and I really enjoyed it.

UPDATE:

Ok crybaby you made me feel guilty enough to draw a pig... it's rubbish but I did it anyways:

My crap drawing.

What kinda job is this?


This jammy tit gets to play with lego for a living...

Jealous much?

I wonder if they are still hiring?

Although this

Lego Solo

looks like a lot of work.

Much like this bloody quiz

Which Movie? which slowly drove me mad the other day... like I got time to kill or something.

Go figure.

People are Strange


This story broke a while ago but I still think it deserves a blog

People for loan

This one also is an old story but worth a gander

Mental Mother but then aren't they all?

and at least she thinks she is protecting her 'kids' unlike the parents of our last unfortunate:

Secrets of the woodshed

Thursday, September 15, 2005

This is what I look like South-stylee


This is me made up in the

South Park Character Creator

and I am only posting that site because I wanted to post this site...

Hello Mr. Twig

More Star Wars??


What can I say I'm all geek

Outfit on Ya!


but then this site has some very funny captions to go with the photos:
Shame is pungent,
Nerds and pot don't mix,
Kenny Baker grows!,
Royal Guard on the Dunkin' diet
the best is the comment about the Death Star Guy: "target area small thermal exhaust port - seeks precise hit from one-man fighter"

but what can you expect from a guy who calls himself

Capn' Wacky

And by the by is that Natalie Merchant as in (ex-vocalist)

10,000 maniacs

Natalie Merchant??

P.S. anyone who might have missed any of the intros to any of the Star wars movies (for whatever reason) you can recap quickly here:

In a Galaxy Far Far Away.

Holiday


According to the

Dandy Warhols

Everyday should be a holiday...

Celebrate good times Come On!

this is one of those things where you can input any date of your choice to find some reason for celebrating that day i.e. slack off, get pissed whatever only funny thing was on the day that I first accessed it (13th September) there were no reasons to celebrate maybe we should make it Global Hedonists day...

Go figure...

Gross...


Judging by the news, today was gross day:

Steering clear of the mascara for a while then

>Throws Up Violently<

Your Forever Friend

I would love to write headlines like these...

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Jebus


Any blasphemy on the go and I'm all for it...

Holy Shit Dude!

These pictures are very very funny.
Reminds me of the one that says Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're a cunt!

I love it even more when shit like this happens:

Jesus is so Gay

and

People are stoopid

Go figure.

Pretty, but also pretty useless


It's a nice idea for a website but it doesn't do much other than

Translate your name.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Funny lil Facts


Most of this is pure shite as most of these things are and some of it highly dubious but for the most part if you have the patience to sit it out (especially since the best entries start like two pages in)

Odd or True?


you will be rewarded with some gems to please your tidbit knowledge:

Barbie's full name,
Astronauts can't burp,
Bush and Kerry are distant cousins as are Oprah Winfrey and Elvis...
In 1932 Niagara was solid... Niagara that is and because of icy temperatures...
All polar bears are left handed...
The last Pope was a scrabble champion and an honorary Harlem Globetrotter...
Heinz once made pasta swastikas...
Al Gore roomed with Tommy Lee Jones in College...
In Hawaii they have oysters that climb trees (as well as the only caterpillers that trap spiders - which isn't on this site)...
Dolly Parton once lost a Dolly Parton look-a-like contest... shockin!
Honey bees have hair on their eyes!!!
David Bowie is being hunted by pink rabbits...
There is also this other much smaller site that lists some (i.e. very few) entomological oddities and the strange disparity between the two is that one suggest that ants don't sleep whilst the other represents that ants stretch upon waking...

True or pure shite?


Anyways...
I can honestly believe that 20% of Americans believe the Sun revolves around the Earth...

If you want...

Who wouldn't want one... or two


They are so fucken sweet who wouldn't want to give a home to a vicious sexual disease?

Or more...

Microbes

Better to have loved and lost than to have never contracted an S.T.D.

Ask a...


These are kinda fun in a deep and intellectual way ... right like I'd know...

Ask a Scientist

Ask a Philosopher

Anyways fun if you want them to be... informative if you don't.

Kermit on stress release


God love 'im

Who'da thunk it?

Poor ol Kermie on drugs (albeit reputedly recreational drugs but still a bastion of goodliness from our childhood destroyed by rampant commercialism and the need to succeed... I'm guessing anyways)

kinda reminds you of that time the photos of the daddy from ALF smoking crack with his gay lover were spun around the web...

Which is kinda documented here...


But Kermit honestly...

we expected better of you

and we were not disappointed x.

Doggy-style


LOVE this photo of some young heavily inked guy (check the lightsabre on his side) fucking his AT-AT
it comes from this post as an extension of the tracker map shown below

Bleach eating freaks

I recommend in the Katrina Blows post you check out the Star Wars original cut...
is funny.

Visitor map


Just for those of you who have questioned my blog's reaching capabilities recently here is a map

Who reads this shit?

that shows who-ish and where and when people have accessed my blog... (I can only use this feature by the way cos my blog receives less than 50,000 visitors a day... or is that 5,000 I can't remember) anyways check it out... people all over the world have read my blog is that exciting?

or should my pants still be clean?

UPDATE:

this site seems to picking up a few readers (I reckon they prolly only fell in here by mistake) but excitement levels peaked when I noticed my first Australian visitor from Melbourne!!

I have arrived.

More than 6 in 10 on Lancashire cheese


Love this:

Cheesy Dreams

But at the same time I cannot think about cheese without thinking of dear ol' Wallace

Wallace and Gromit

and how excited I still am about the forthcoming

Wallace and Gromit movie.

Gotta say ...LOVE the bionic man sound effect when they spring off of those boards...

Love bein a geek as well.

Style before fashion sweetie!


Fashion is such a lucrative business I thought I'd grab myself a slice of the cow bum...
This site

Buy Tees

lets you 'design' your own t-shirts and then sell them from your website (or others) for whatever price you deem fit which would be cool only essentially it just seems to be a site where you can load a central image for printing on the centre (ooh musn't forget to mention the back TOO...) of a plain t-shirt usually just white too, which all seems slightly dull to me...
the picture above is just one of the designs I would like to unleash upon the fashion world but I cannot do it through this website...
However what I can do is print lots of naked men or gay porn onto baby-gro's... I wonder how well they would sell.

Birthday Music


Wanna know what was number one on the day you were born?

Who wouldn't?

After you have visited this site you may think otherwise...

Birthday No.1


I only say that because the song that was number one when I was born was:

I love you love me love by Gary Glitter...


Being born in this week of this year marks me as a pervert apparently...

Alternatively in America it was Photograph by the fabulous Ringo Starr who I just recently (and for the first time) watched in The Magic Christian with Peter Sellers and a whole host of names and I was completely blown away by the whole thing; it was bizarre and funny, preposterously dated but it still totally stood up and I enjoyed the shit out of it... I might just have to buy it on DVD.

Even though

This Guy

rips it to bits he does understand it and if you can understand this guy's stance and watch the film and find it funny anyway then come on over to my house for an acid-bong part-ay...

Magic Christian Review

cos it's also a good review of the brilliant Batman Begins... the first link that is not the second.

T.V. Go Home


Glad to see this site is still going...
thought I would check it out after being thouroghly disappointed at the inexplicable demise of pinstruck.com,

T.V. Go Home


Dunno if any of you are familiar with the Channel 4 programme Nathan Barley but it started on this website as a T.V. programme called Cunt.

And it is beyond fabulous... the website that is.

This particular issue has some delights, in particular Medieval Coronation Street in which Les (one presumes Battersby) is run through with a pitchfork after being caught sodmising a pig in the forest... and buboes?? answers on a postcard please.

Lovin it.

Go Figure.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Arnie's gay marriage


Seen a few posts in my inbox this week asking for people to hound Arnie in his official post after he said that he was 'responding to the will of the people' in deciding against gay marriage and this post

The Peculiar One

had the funniest cartoon with it that I thought just summed it up completely and I like the other stuff this guy has posted (in particular the my new boyfriend slots) so I thought I would give him a heads up.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Starsailor


You can no longer catch the new video for Starsailor's new tune here:

In the Crossfire

so don't bother trying...

N.M.E.

have changed their website all around AGAIN and they do insist on people registering and logging in and it's one huge inconvenient pain the fucken ass... but if you want to watch music videos online or hear albums before they have been released then you like me will register and login every fucken time.

You can however still catch the audio for the Starsailor track that was linked to above at NME's website and they do now have Bloc Party's new video which is pretty cool (can't wait for their remix album to hit the shops) only the new and 'improved' NME website has a media player that doesn't, play any kind of media that is... it has a small disclaimer underneath it saying it will be available soon!!!

Bunch of rank fucken amateurs running the site by the looks of things then... who in their right minds? I mean knowing you are about to overhaul your website and that the media player is a pretty heavily used piece of your website then why would you implement the new website without the features that people regularly used on the old website?

fucken rubbish.

Ok it's up and running now but still only the audio for this tune...

UPDATE:

you can also catch the video for the fabulous Arcade fire

and I imagine this was pretty special: Wish I was there.

Friday, September 09, 2005

If Mohammed won't come


This is amazing news:

More for the point if you take into consideration the few that would never get to go and see this sort of thing in it's original setting due to many factors can now experience a wonder in their own backyard so to speak...

Lascaux

I'd love to see the original thing but as I can't I will be going to check this out when it hits town, not quite the same as camping out for the weekend and exploring caves but fuck me dead how exciting to see something so primeval in a place as 'culturally' advanced as London... a place that hides it's true vitriol in polite conversation, ironic then to experience this 'primitive beauty' in such 'advanced savagery'.

Freecycle


This has to be one of the best things I think I have ever seen the net being used for, strange to think that a technology that is reasonably new and an application that is pretty revolutionary in a capitalist economy could possibly create real communities where thousand year old religions that claim a social good do little more than divide... and ultimately conquer.

Freecycle London

I have to say though this service has far more potential than getting hold of useful stuff for free:
people are using it to ask for volunteers, instruction and advice.
I am stunned at the potential of this service, Crybaby in particular take note of this service as it has MANY applications in connection to your film project: props, location shoots and possibly even extras, equipment and staff...

Also for this service in particular I would possibly recommend a whole new e-mail address cos if you sign up you will get tonnes of emails daily, whereas one necessity is that you will need a yahoo account and profile, but then hey if you don't have one you can also get a free email account with yahoo that you can then use to deal with all the email you will be receiving.

And trust me I cannot believe the stuff that has been offered this week alone: cars, computers, a rocking horse, Gothic lightbox and old stage make-up and more than that, plus its ALL free!!

Fucken excellent

P.S. anyone outside of London should prolly start searching for their community here:

Freecycle.Org

On the left is a menu to search for your location if you aint listed try the international link...

and happy trading.

Shades of meaning


This site (sight) is so fucken cool for so many reasons, it doesn't do much per se but the work that has gone into this and the idea behind it just warms me cockles it's a bit like a thesaurus in colour.

Kick arse

IMHO.

Chupacabra


Usually these things have to be taken with a very large pinch of salt but...
a few months ago someone had reportedly caught and killed what they think could be a chupacabra... and the photo above is the result of that but then someone else traps another 'chupacabra' just like last week or so...

Click on slideshow for pictures


which is either a HUGE coincidence or these things finally want their piece of the media pie.
Shame they are dead then.

Or is it just another Henson workshop scam?

You know what those buggers are like for public deception.

Fucken muppets... they're not real you know...

UPDATE:

Fear the Goat-sucker.

Do giant oak trees grow...


this is either cool or stoopid and I can't really make up my mind... yay for recycling boo on the disposable culture

Phlower Fones

Yay for flowers boo for companies wasting precious resources just to pump new products into the market every fucken 'season' sweetie.

Alethiometer


Don't ya just hate a sell-out?
If the answer is yes then feel free to hate Phillip Pullman: author of 'His Dark Materials' trilogy; Mr. Pullman originally wrote his trilogy as a response to C.S. Lewis's

Narnia

novels or more specifically to the Christian ethos that Lewis invests in his stories, at least thats what Mr. Pullman himself said on a South Bank special all about his trilogy.
So he wrote the trilogy (which for the first two books is amazing but he does cop and sell-out in the third mess - doesn't deserve the title book) specifically to address issues of faith against knowledge, he doesn't entirely succeed but the first two books are beautiful.
Anyways now they are making a film of the first book 'Northern Lights' and I will watch it purely because it is a great story but... the rub...
Well in order to pull in money from the American markets (where I believe the film is being funded) all references to God are being removed???
WTF?

Cowardly Greedy Bastards


what is the fucken point??
and slightly insulting to the members of the American populace who can cope with people holding different views on faith and sit through their argument without thinking it sacreligious or worth imposing fatwas over...
DEAR GOD!!!
...
They are doing a similar thing with the Davinci Code - not a book I have or will ever read but it's stoopid to adapt a book for the big screen if you are going to change things so fundamentally...

Hanks Howard & McKellen??

why not just adapt a story that doesn't deal with God and leave those stories for people with courage and vision to adapt, people who are not accountants... cos let's face it the reason this shit gets changed is viability for it's market... in other words, money.
The worse thing about the Pullman tragedy (being called the Golden Compass - dumbing down much?) is that he is on board working on the film version that isn't about God which his books are and he is said to be HAPPY with it????

What a cunt.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Scary shit!


This is truly big brother gone mad:
I know since the whole terrorist shite that we have recinded an entire shit-load of our civil liberties voluntarily,
which is scary enough on it's own but

This shit

is beyond terrifying, if true.

Visionary


Thank god SOMEBODY in the hip-hop community has finally come out and said it:

Too Homophobic

had anyone else said it they would prolly have been accused of racism but
at the end of the day both communities need to wake up to the division.

And I for one praise the man.

And I don't like his music but hey, I'll try a little harder from now on...

Now I feel like it was a marketing exercise to gather pink pounds...

Only I don't really.

Who'd be a man?


This article just reaffirms for me that I am a woman mentally...

I have just spent the past twenty years in denial...

Really though this sort of crap bores me but there are a few good ones in here:

numbers: 9, 11, 19, 21, 24 and 37.

The best though (IMHO) go to numbers 27 and 32.

Can't improve on nature


This is a really cool site that gives you some idea into the distance of the stars between other objects in the galaxies.

Cosmic Scales

And even if you have some idea of the vast scale involved you can't help but learn from these pictures that show the distance invovled in relative terms... which is always helpful to the small thinking brain that is the humanoid creature.

Ugly


Why can it never be the ones you want?
always the bloody uglies...

Mark Feehily is a pig

Still even if it was the one you wanted guaranteed they'd already be going out with another boy-band member.

Cunts.

Atlantis


So has Atlantis finally been discovered?

Proof for Atlantis?

Or does it remain nothing but a dreamers' paradise?

Fools' Gold

sitting on the fence hurts your balls...

Beer


All a man needs apart from sex??
All a man needs...

As far as I'm concerned anyways.

But I will agree with helping me dance although only since 1986...

and that is just the pictures; the stories are slightly different:

Why does this sort of shit never happen to me?

And I mean being near a train that crashes full of beer not being robbed of a shipment of my finest produce for the year...

not like I feel sorry for them (the producers who are insured to their shit!)

I really don't... just myself: cos it was in South Africa and not South London and I got no free beer... there is no justice in the world!

Healthy Beer?

Or maybe there is?

South Park boys?


Ya GOTTA love the South Park Boys;
offending EVERY sensibility they can get their hands on.

I hate to say I have a slight crush on Trey Parker; check him out in rubber in Orgazmo: beautiful boy...

Which brings me neatly(?) onto this link which is Matt Stone's character (I think he's the Dave the lighting guy) espousing his totally straight credibilities and 'offering advice' in the little known (and not so vastly underrated) Orgazmo.

Sex advice for the needy


I can't help but love it when there are such choice lines as 'soul-soliciting pig-fuckers' and more too numerous to list here without detracting from the film's appeal.
Ah! If my 'friends' could see me now...

They'd prolly guess that I'd been drinkin.

East meets West


No surprise on the difference in perspective between cultures; but kinda interesting to have certain parts of those differences defined:

East meets West and complimented it on it's outfit

Who'da thought that greed was pursued by goal-driven westeners?

Amazing revelatory stuff...

well credit where it's due (and sarcasm aside):

some hicks might never be privvy to this sort of revelation so maybe there is no stating of the obvious; because not everything is obvious to everyone...

Fire & Ice


Anyone who read the JLA in the 80's would understand that Fire and Ice are a team but in the world of physical reality who'da thunk it?

Fire from Ice

Kinda cool and any survival tips in front of the pending nuclear holocaust are always handy...